The Alberta Government introduced its new legislation of Bill 16 and left much to the imagination in the process of doing so.
For those of you who don’t know, you can’t talk on a cell phone, text, read or send email and a number of other things while driving as of Sept. 1.
Also, my burgeoning career as a civil structures artist has now gone down the tubes since drawing, writing and sketching will be outlawed.
I truthfully have no real qualms about the proposed changes since I am a stealth artist who does what he wants, when he wants, hence I drive a Shadow.
What’s rankling the wrinkles on my head is how the province could fall so blatantly short with poor wording that will get misconstrued for a lifetime to come.
For instance, “eating a snack” is still kosher, presumably kosher snacks are allowed as well. However, touching one button or even holding your cell phone will get your slapped with a $172 mandatory donation to the province.
I’ve personally eaten a full bowl of re-heated pasta and considered that a snack. Is this acceptable under the grey area of snacking? I say yes. Take that, Alberta Transportation. I just beat you at your own game. Time to hire a communications team. Leaving room for error with the potato-potahtoe argument is leaving the Province open for a world of hurt and a courtroom full of ridiculousness for those who fight tickets.
Smoking is an dicey game but it’s still nothing short of encouraged, as is talking with fellow passengers and drinking coffee, pop, water and I’m sure even a police officer may turn a blind eye to a can of O’Doul’s.
In my younger days, (read: 20 years old) I remember smoking and drinking coffee while driving around. This was arguably the most distracted I’ve ever been behind the wheel and yes, I’m including playing air guitar, bass and drums when Rick Springfield’s Jesse’s Girl comes on the radio. I was an automotive wizard, tapping ashes in my left hand on the window, graciously sliding my right hand up from the 2 o’clock position of the wheel and then leaning my head forward like a turtle to take a sip of my scalding Timmys.
Is this safer than a person pressing a few buttons at a red light on their GPS if their route changes? Apparently not, says the Province. So please, continue to drink up and get that nicotine and caffeine buzz going, drivers.
How can you enforce the unenforceable? It’s going to cause a litigious battle of what is and what isn’t crossing the line. I’d half expect to see drivers bombing around pushing the boundaries just to get into an argument over semantics with cops.
Worst of all, the Province missed out on the most important piece of this whole issue of distracted driving, hands-free devices.
Multiple studies have shown that talking with a phone against your ear is just as distracting as talking hands-free. I realize there is this ape-like logic where if your hands are on the wheel, you are safe and fully attentive to the traffic around you, but it’s time to remove the rose-coloured glasses and ban everything. This is, however, likely not going to happen since car manufacturers are building vehicles with Bluetooth technology specifically for hands-free devices.
So, while Calgary-Hays MLA Art Johnston’s legislation is soon to become law, there are gaps and grey areas that will needlessly remain open. And to the unsuspecting police officer who may pull me over while I snack on my rack of lamb, get ready for a battle, ‘cause I make my living off wordplay.
